How Do I Insult Thee? Let Me Count The Ways

Being a native French speaker, I can tell you that (1) we can swear like we breathe, and (1) some swearwords are so common we barely even notice them (ex: merde).

It is therefore only natural that I want to use them in my stories. The only problem is that my current series is YA and I therefore need to, uh, let's say sanitize my writing some and get more creative with my literary insults. Here then are a few invectives I thought I'd share for others who want to swear their heads off at, say, piss-poor drivers on the road, for instance...

1. Loblolly: a stupid, rude or awkward person.
2. Blatherskite: someone who speaks a lot and mostly of dumb things.
3. Cacafuego: someone who likes to boast a lot.
4. Slubberdegullion: a scoundrel.
5. Chawbacon: a hick.
6. Cockalorum: see Cacafuego.
7. Lickspittle: a brown-noser.
8. Snollygoster: Machiavellian person (unprincipled but shrewd).
9. Mumpsimus: someone who stubbornly refuses to follow good advice and therefore makes a mistake.
10. Pettifogger: a shyster (esp. in the practice of the law).

Le Capitaine Haddock, ever the role model

Now that you've increased your arsenal, go forth and conquer!! 

Sources:

10 Rare and Amusing Insults - Volume 1 and Volume 2