August 5, 2014

How Do I Insult Thee? Let Me Count The Ways

Being a native French speaker, I can tell you that (1) we can swear like we breathe, and (1) some swearwords are so common we barely even notice them (ex: merde).

It is therefore only natural that I want to use them in my stories. The only problem is that my current series is YA and I therefore need to, uh, let's say sanitize my writing some and get more creative with my literary insults. Here then are a few invectives I thought I'd share for others who want to swear their heads off at, say, piss-poor drivers on the road, for instance...

  1. Loblolly: a stupid, rude or awkward person.
  2. Blatherskite: someone who speaks a lot and mostly of dumb things.
  3. Cacafuego: someone who likes to boast a lot.
  4. Slubberdegullion: a scoundrel.
  5. Chawbacon: a hick.
  6. Cockalorum: see Cacafuego.
  7. Lickspittle: a brown-noser.
  8. Snollygoster: Machiavellian person (unprincipled but shrewd).
  9. Mumpsimus: someone who stubbornly refuses to follow good advice and therefore makes a mistake.
  10. Pettifogger: a shyster (esp. in the practice of the law).
Le Capitaine Haddock, ever the role model

Now that you've increased your arsenal, go forth and conquer!! 

10 Rare and Amusing Insults - Volume 1 and Volume 2


  1. My favorites are "Cacafuego" and "Lump of foul deformity". I will make sure to use them soon. I even think I know whom they fit. As a student I had to attend an "internship" in a steel mill, where I learned a lot - for instance, 10-word sentences that contained obscenities only; no other words were involved. Currently, the most common word in the Polish language is the ultra-universal "kurwa" - the only word that can be used in any place in any sentence. As you write, so common that it is barely noticed.

    1. Kurwa, huh? I'm gonna have to note that down. For research purposes, of course...